There are some conversations where the anticipated tensions so high that we repeatedly procrastinate in getting them started. As a result conversations never occur. Unfortunately, the failure to get the conversation started can have a very high price if a family health crisis or death occurs first.
Speaking to our parents about their homes and assets is hard because they don’t want to lose control of their lives. They want to decide where and how they will live and how to spend their own money. Our parents need to be asked the “what if” questions before a crisis occurs or they are incapacitated so that we will know how they would want us to handle those questions and so that we know that they have powers of attorney, health care proxies and wills in place. They need to be asked those questions so that we can show them where we see problems that need to be addressed in their proposed solutions to the “what if” questions.
The time to set the stage for moving into an assisted living facility or being able to age in place in a family home is before a crisis, while our parents are still competent and can express their views, intentions, fears and hopes. Doing the planning early can minimize our parents’ fear and reduce hurt, anger and costly estate litigation between the children later. If our siblings hear from our own parents’ lips why their assets are going to be distributed the way our parents have directed, perhaps there will be less strife later on. Perhaps if we hear why another sibling was chosen over us to act as our parents’ agent we won’t feel that our parents were tricked into making that choice.
Here is a link to a New York Times article about getting the conversation about the family home started.
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