Over the years I have observed that children of older parents are often frustrated because their parents refuse to take the necessary steps to plan for the years ahead when their parents are likely to need help with handling their funds, making health care choices or deciding where to live. While watching the interaction between adult children and their parents, I have realized that frequently the refusal to address planning for the future is the result of the parent’s fear of losing control or having control taken from them. Many adults are afraid of being put in a nursing home by their children. There are several things that can be done to reassure parents that by planning ahead they are not giving up control, but are actually taking the steps necessary to control their own future. By planning ahead they can even choose the best available options to remain in their own home and age in place.
I like to share with my older clients the reality that if they do not prepare advance directives, such as a power of attorney and health care proxy, and they become incapacitated, their family may not have the authority to handle their bank accounts to pay their bills, or gain access to their health care records in order to make fully informed healthcare decisions. A court appointed guardian may be required. If a guardian needs to be appointed that process is much more expensive than the cost of preparing advance directives. The agent appointed by the court may not be the person that my client would have chosen. The order appointing the guardian may not provide all of the authority needed to act in situations that arise months and years later. Additional guardianship proceedings may be needed. Guardianships often prevent quick action on behalf of the ward.
I suggest to my older clients that the power of attorney can have a “springing power” so that it would only become effective after a specific event occurs or after the onset of incapacity. While I would never suggest that a client appoint an agent that was not fully trusted, the power of attorney can appoint a monitor of the appointed agent. The monitor presumably would be familiar with the older client’s wishes and would have the opportunity to confirm that they were being followed. The presence of a monitor may provide sufficient reassurance to the older client that more than one person with knowledge of their wishes is looking out for their interests so that the client may be willing to prepare advance directives. I also point out that the power of attorney can be modified to specify exactly which powers are given to the designated agent and can even express the client’s preferences as to living arrangements.
It is important that our older clients realize that the best protection for living where and how they want to live is to express what those preferences are so that their families are aware of them and to sign advance directives appointing trusted agents to act on their behalf when they no longer have the ability to act for themselves.