A successful estate plan requires more than just creating wills and trusts to preserve or transfer your personal property, real estate and monetary assets. The most basic element of any plan is the identification of the people who are close to you, their needs, abilities, strengths and flaws. With great frustration I have witnessed the results of estate plans prepared by others that did not adequately consider and address family dynamics, sibling rivalry, jealousy and the possible unwitting appointment of a dictator. Litigation, added expenses and the risk to family unity could have been better prevented.
Many people with more than one child prepare a Power of Attorney and/or a Will that name only one of their children as their agent or executor. The decision to appoint only one child to these roles may in fact be the correct decision in the preparation of these planning documents. However, an important additional tool for the protection of their legacy should be considered in order to prevent possible sibling rancor that could destroy both family relations and diminish the wealth being transferred.
Isn’t our most important legacy a loving unified family? Isn’t that even more important than the wealth that is being transferred? When we create estate planning documents, we need to consider how those documents will affect our family unity and what can be done to enhance that unity. Consider providing your lawyer with a legacy letter written to your family expressing your love for your entire family, stating that while you appointed your child, “Beth”, that was only because someone had to be appointed and that it was not a sign that you loved your children, “Samantha” and “Bill”, any less. Include in the letter your desire that “Beth” confer with her siblings prior to making decisions in the appointed role so that she has the benefit of everyone’s thoughts on the issues and so that everyone knows what is happening. State your desire that your children not become divided by the handling and distribution of your assets. Finally, tell your children that your most important legacy is your loving family and its strong relationships that will extend into the next generation. When it is time for your Will or Power of Attorney to be presented to your children, your legacy letter should accompany it. When reminded of your love of family, any perceived slights, hurts and disappointments may be forgiven and possible family strife has a better chance to be kept at bay.
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